Do you ever just realise how much faith you put in people?
Like you think someone loves you or cares about you but then something happens and it shows you just how much they don’t?
I can never – no matter how many times it happens to me – understand how people just walk away so quickly, and well, easily?
Maybe its me just putting too much faith in them to not let me down, or maybe i’m just silly to think people mean what they say or to believe that they really could love or care for me in the way they say?
Are people really that dishonest?
Am I that nieve to think that highly of people in the first place?
Everyone has walked away from me at one stage. Some of them returning but never with the whole piece they left with.
Hardly the same as when they left I can never help but think about how easy it was for them.
Those who return, I hold no resentment. I let go and I forgive.
If I didn’t the only one I’d damage would be myself and all the things I learnt from it.
But that doesnt mean it stops it from hurting.
I think whats heartbreaking is that I could never do that.
It makes me feel physically sick to think of leaving any of the people I care about, abandoning them, how could i?
No matter what, when anyone leaves I let them know that even so I am still there for them, because, I always am.
The idea of those I care about hurting, hurts my soul. No person as beautiful as they should ever have to hurt. Maybe that’s why I make it so hard for people to have me care about them. Maybe because when I care, I care so deeply but I know; other’s do not.
I know because I’ve watched it happen time and time again and not only to me, but to others as well: people leaving, people who are meant to care the same – leaving without effort.
If someone I cared about wanted me to leave, I’d fight, wouldn’t you? If you really cared about them, if they really impacted your life, you’d fight to keep them, right?
Maybe that’s why I like to push people; to see how they react. Why invest my time in someone who doesn’t care enough to fight back?
It doesn’t matter whether that person is a friend, family, partner, whatever its all the same. I’ve learnt that not everyone deserves to recieve the amount you have to give – and its okay to not give them that, to be selfish with that. Because the people who don’t fight, they’re the ones who are going to walk away first, the ones that suck you in and use you, they’re the ones that don’t deserve it, because if you give it to them, it’ll only end in a form of heartbreak. That horrid feeling you’ve spent years trying to avoid.
So why wouldn’t one be cautious?
But cautious or not, there’s always heartbreak.